- Living in my sister’s spare room
- Scared to take risks and make a decision
- Scared to direct my own life
- Feeling alone and sad
- Trying to make my wife want me like I want her
- Feeling powerless
- Feeling like I’m stuck here while trying to make a decision
- Feeling like other people are controlling my life
- Not knowing what I want
- Feeling like I don’t understand anything
- Feeling lost because I don’t understand Truth
- Confused because I can’t seem to grow up and be a man
- Being in limbo because I don’t know if my wife wants me or I’m her plan B
- Feeling so dependent on my wife for love
- Mom, that she doesn’t even call and ask how I am when I’m going through the toughest time of my life
- Myself, for beliving that people will help me with my problems
- That I struggle so hard with my problems
- That I can’t stop obsessing about my wife
- That I am beginning to resent my mother
- That deep down, I’m angry at my father too
- That I can’t get past my past
- That I am too scared to move forward
- That I don’t know how to love
- That I was never shown how to love
- That love doesn’t come naturally to me
- That I was never really loved, that I grew up knowing, and trying only to please my mom rather than myself.
- That I grew up trying to please everybody else. Meet my sister’s expectations, my mom’s expectations. That I never really figured out that I need to set my own expectations.
- That I let other people’s good intentions run my life.
I need to get out of here. I’m scared of coming home to an empty house. Being alone, having nobody to talk to, having no support. I’m scared of flying because I don’t have my own ground. I’m scared. I’m terrified to take my own steps, to make my own decisions.
Why? Because my mother doesn’t even think I even know how to use chopsticks. That she has always told me that I don’t know how to do anything. That she has emotionally abused me my whole life. Told me that I wasn’t good enough. Gave me so much responsibility yet no credit. Took away my childhood. That she did that and is totally oblivious to how difficult it was.
I can’t forgive her. I don’t know why I blame her for everything. Maybe it is easier to just blame her than to look inside myself.
I need to get out. I need to get into a place where everything around me is mine. I don’t care if I have to rent a place for a few years. I don’t really care about the money all that much. I’m tired of feeling responsibility to fulfill the needs of others. To please others.
I am happy with my job because I have the opportunity to accept responsiblity for making things happen. That I have some power to choose my destiny. I realize that I haven’t exercised my power in my relationships.
I feel like I do the heavy lifting without any of the power. I’m always the worker and never the leader. I want to be the leader. To start, I need take control of my own life. To take risks. To live like how I want to live.
How will I really know how it is to live on my own and be responsible for my own decisions until I do it?
Thank you for opening up your life. I recently ended a relationship similar to yours. I’m curious as to how you are doing currently
I’m doing great now. I still live in the spare room, but it’s really nice having my family so close. We’re so tight, and that has helped a lot.
I can’t say I have a new outlook on life, just a re-focused one. The goals and plans that I had put aside are back in full stride. I feel freer to do what I want to do. Be more myself.
The positive experience out of the whole thing is more self clarity. I know that I’m an obsessive type of person, I gotta make something work, or finish a specific task. I was obsessed with trying to make my relationship work. I put all my energy into that and largely ignored everything else.
Without that, I re focused, and put my energy into my life and my career. I’m much happier now, simply because there is less need to fix something unfixable.
I’ve mostly (not completely) forgiven my ex. It feels like a lifetime ago now, even though it’s only been a little more than a year. Overall life is better.
[...] I am doing now… I’m great. A repost of a comment I made on this post. ’m doing great now. I still live in the spare room, but it’s really nice having my family so [...]
wow, i thought i was the only person who felt that way.
Hey, thanks for having the courage to put your feelings out like this – I am a recovering love addict going through a separation from my wife – we are both codependent – I am terrified all the time, constantly obsessed with finding out if we are going to work out or get divorced. We are both going to the same therapist – I think my therapist is fantastic – even if Laura (my wife) and I do not work out, I am finally getting the therapy i have needed since my childhood. I have found this higher power thing rather difficult being an atheist and a scientist at heart – but i have been studying some Buddhist teachings about accepting what “is”, letting go of control, and surrendering rather than trying to force and manipulate relationships and people. I would love to hear from you, I have been feeling like I was the only man on the Earth who “loves too much” – yours is the first blog I have found of another man who has had a similar experience.
Kind regards
Clint
we all need to get together and talk. im the same x
HI Friends,
I also had this kind of Love addiction problem. Hope I would recover soon. And thanks for this post.
i’m stiil going through this love addicction, it is so hard to let go of it all. sometimes i feel like i can’t even go on, but i know i need to and i will. i just can not wait to be free again.