I’m great. A repost of a comment I made on this post.
’m doing great now. I still live in the spare room, but it’s really nice having my family so close. We’re so tight, and that has helped a lot.
I can’t say I have a new outlook on life, just a re-focused one. The goals and plans that I had put aside are back in full stride. I feel freer to do what I want to do. Be more myself.
The positive experience out of the whole thing is more self clarity. I know that I’m an obsessive type of person, I gotta make something work, or finish a specific task. I was obsessed with trying to make my relationship work. I put all my energy into that and largely ignored everything else.
Without that, I re focused, and put my energy into my life and my career. I’m much happier now, simply because there is less need to fix something unfixable.
I’ve mostly (not completely) forgiven my ex. It feels like a lifetime ago now, even though it’s only been a little more than a year. Overall life is better.
is there a way i can contact you? i am going through hell and need some advice, i can relate to everything you are saying, my bf just left me and i cant handle it. I love him so so much, i feel upset as i feel like im stuck as a child inside, my inner child wont grow. please write back x
Hi, Thank you for your blog. I’m 6 weeks into my SLA/LAA program. Withdrawl is kicking my butt but reading your blog has really helped. Thank you for sharing your feelings, it’s very courageous. I relate 100%. The anxiety attacks are a killer but hangin’ in there.
Glad to hear you’re approaching the light at the end of the tunnel!
Thank you for writing what you have written thus far. Please keep writing more!
I am starting my own blog… well, I had already started one last November- I guess when you stopped writing-, but it has evolved into something quite different, in regards to the codependency. I have read both of Pia Mellody’s books: Facing Codependence and Facing Love Addiction. I really don’t know for sure if I am a love addict, per say, but I sure learned a lot by reading this book. I think that all codependents play these roles of the love addict/love avoidant in their relationships. Reading Facing Codependence tore my world apart- in a good but painful way, of course. Reading Facing Love Addiction answered so many questions I had about my previous toxic relationships- it helped me to understand the patterns, the roles that keep being played out in my relationships.
Anyway, I hope you keep writing because it is very helpful to those of us who are trying to heal… especially if you are feeling better or are able to have a healthy relationship.
Hey, I was looking for contact info on your blog, and couldn’t find anything. Please email me: Not2bforgot10@yahoo.com
Thanks!
Hi,
I just found your blog. Wow! Just what I needed to read. I am going through withdrawel right now after being broke up with. I am the love addict and am struggling to get over this break up with a stron avoidence addict.
Your thoughts have been helpful and affirming to me.
Thank you!
Hello!
My name is Paula. I went through a relationship with a person whose story was pretty much like yours. I loved him,cared for him in all posible ways and I broke my heart trying to make him realize about my love, but the venom from the past relationship was far too strong and it destroyed me, but it was ok, I had seen it coming, and it was my decision, so I accepted it at the end. Once you get involved with another person, your past will come to you, in spite of the forgiveness and healing process. Just remember to do your best and trust, even though the fear. If you want to contact me, here is my mail: alahya18@gmail.com
I just don’t want that another caring, good and strong woman would have to give up to her loved one, just because he was far too terrified of going nuts again. Love is never easy for anyone, so if my experience can help you to see things from a new perspective, and give you hope, I would love to share it with you. I still love him and I still believe we deserve each other, but letting go was all I could do. I hope he’s doing great, and you too.
Hi! Your blog is so similar to mine. I just completed a manuscript about my life, starting as a child and how I developed into a codependent. Thanksfully it’s been many years and my life has drastically changed for the better. I hope you’ll visit my blog and become a follower. The more followers I have the stronger I will appear to a publisher. I really want to help those who are suffering and offer support and hope. Is there any way to follow You? Keep in touch! Randi
I’m very grateful to have found your blog. I read it every few months when I’m feeling these withdrawals. Sadly, I’ve landed myself in this situation again with the same guy I’ve loved for too long. Reading this blog gives me the understanding that I’m not alone, something I dreadfully need when I’ve never felt more lost and alone. I hope you’re doing well now, and if you could email me at mhua@uci.edu, I’d very much like to ask you some questions.
Hello everyone: Thanks for the honesty here. I really appreciate it. I have been intriguing with other women. It is interfereing with my work b/c I am a counselor and I listen to other women to support them. But I keep wanting to get their attention on another level and am not able to stop it when it is happening. I feel so helpless about it.
I talk t a friend about it to stop the secrecy and it helped it felt like a spell I was under and then broken. but today I did it again. I don’t generally have contact with men so it does not happen with them and it is easier to stop b/c I am with a man in relatiohnship.
but it is happening with these women and it sucks.
I feel so out of control when it happens. I was triggered by interacting with a woman who was instrusive and agressive verbally with me. Which made me stay back but when she softened and we started talking and I let down my guard and asked her for advise, I gave her the look, which she picked up on and gave it back and I felt embarrased that she noticed and gave it back. Then it happened to another women and she gave it back and I tried to smile it away.
Again, she noticed the intrigue, flirting look. Urr! I don’t want to be found out that I am doing this compulsively, with no control.
but I have been found out by them and I resent myself and them for it. So reading all your comments I realize that it is simply my need for attention, approval, and love and security and intimacy and fear of abandonment.
I am grateful that it is all figured out and layed out in writing so at least I can begin to recognize my deep need for love, that I am not bad or evil or defective for my behavior.
It is about needing and seeking love, that’s all. For an adult who was ngelected as a child of course she would seek love.
So, it is an opportunity to love myself and I don’t know how. I know more than before – self talk, kind things, paying attention to my needs and meeting them – emotionally, physically ect.
So, here I go. I will do my best to take care of myself, including praying to my angels to help out here b/c once again I am powerless over this deep hole and emptiness that I am trying to fill up by flirting with women and seeing if I can get the high of getting their attention.
the words in the internet are kind and compassionate so that I will not beat myself up for yet another coping skill that goes way way back, at least to 4th grade.
is it necessary to uncover more about my past? such as did I get incested as part of this? what else did my mother and father and sister do to set me up for this as trigger-as in the aggressive women who triggered something in me to behave this way.
Of course I worry about being lesbian? Am I? Do I have to be? Is it safer? So there is a double thing going on – love addiction and possibly gayness, which I don’t want to deal with.
Maybe that is why it is all coming up.
I thought I had already worked through a lot in my emotional life – but obviously there is more – more will be revealed. I want to be whole and healed so I am willing to seek help to this goal.
I want to healed and whole.
Compassionately I speak to my inner child – I hear you, I love you, I will do what I can to listen to you. You are important – my 5 year old daughter is important and I fear that my abandonment of her is already setting up a space for to become addicted.
God help me, please!
Can anyone who is a mom out there relate?
I thought I found love after 4 years of what I thought was a good enough time to not fall into the pattern of co-dependency agagin. It happened again and I ended it yesterday and feeling terrible withdrawel symptoms. This time it took 4 months rather than my usual year,2,3,4,5 ect… The other person went to play a 5 hour round of golf and feels nothing. Maybe cause he takes klonopin and can mask his true feelings, I do not know. After I decided it was my time to get out, he is still wanting to call me and chit chat as though everything is fine. I am not sure is if this is such a good idea since then I get that feeling in my stomach like is he going to call me or not, and I really want to let him know terrible I am feeling. Should we let them know or just stop excepting calls and wait till you get over the hurt? In the meantime I take .5 mg. of ativan just to stop the anxiosness of this relationship I am trying to get over. Thanks for being here everyone, and sharing
Hi Rebecca,
Dont expect anything from any one. “Expectation can make any one feel”. Live for yourself .
I just found your blog and very interested in reading of the steps you have achieved in fixing your codependency. Me too have surrounded by people who I believe to have this symptoms at the office.
I don’t think it is a contagious thing though but sometimes I’m afraid that I have this symptom too when I come home and talking to my family etc.
Anybody ever experience live among codependency people?
Any suggestion would be appreciate…
Try Reading Love in the Gardens of Macantar; A Spiritual Journey of Healing from Codependency and Relationship Addiction found on amazon and other on line outlets. It proves there is hope for a happier life.
Please read “Love in the Gardens of Macantar; A Spiritual Journey of Healing from Codependency and Relationship Addiction”. It saved my life, literally. It is available on line.