- We admitted we were powerless over love, romance, fantasies and relationships—that our lives had become unmanageable.
- Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
- Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God.
- Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
- Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
- Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
- Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.
- Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
- Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
- Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
- Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God’s will for us and the power to carry that out.
- Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
Source: http://loveaddicts.org/12-Steps.html
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I am at the begining edge of discovery of my demons and how to rid myself of them. I am a 48 yr man and have a family and lovely wife.
. My marriage of 20 yrs is in trouble. I have blamed my wife and her family for my unhappiness.
My behavior follows similar traits of a man who is codependent and love dependent. My wife is an incest survivor and I have had to deal with rationed love. As I saw it, love making was a natural act between husband and wife. She does hold some of the responsibilities of helping the problem perpetuate. But I did the most damage.
I did so many tasks from the all the cooking, laundry, shopping and home repairs to decorating the house at holiday times to win her affections. It never worked. I am seeing professional help for this as I too fear abandonment.
I need to repair and live a fuller life. We are both in marriage consuling and it is painful and ugly. But it takes getting hit in the face with a wet towel to wake up and see the wrongs one has created. It hurt, I argued it was not me? It has only been 2 sessions but it has opened my mind and heart to a new begining.
After serious thought and reflection I decided to seek out answers. Your story saddens me that you went through so much pain and in the end lost someone dear to you. Thank you for posting all of the struggles. You may have just saved a man from losing his wife, marriage, and direction in life. I will look at myself not others to solve this monster I have created.
Scott